Extinguished

…or at least to the person I thought you were”

(Part 2)

I’m patient.
Oh, I completely understand.
I’m at your convenience. You need a helping hand?
You’re busy? That’s fine, what I wanted to say isn’t that dire.

But I do have a confession.
I’m also a liar.

My tapping foot was anxious when you didn’t text back or never called,
Does that define my patience? No? Huh, then I guess I’m at fault.

No I wasn’t fine when you cancelled the dinner plans or when you were too busy to say hi,
But if I would’ve opened up to you would you have understood or simply asked why I lie?

Would you’ve thought of me as desperate when I’d say I wish to be close to you?
Or would you’ve pulled me close just like I’d want you to.

I wanted to be the reason for your absent minded smiles,
I wanted to be the foundation to lay your love’s tiles.

I wanted you to miss me when I turned around,
When I was with you, I wanted you to be my safe and sound.

But it’s been months since our forest set on fire,
Even it’s ashes are dried now, then tell me why these feelings I still desire?

I guess our lost love turned into my poetic art,
But will it make the world more vulnerable to my still aching heart?

Do you know sometimes I replay the moment in my head of our fights?
I wonder what you would’ve felt if you could’ve see me cry throughout the nights.

Can I forgive you? Will I forget you?
Now I’m numb when I recall you saying ‘I love you too’.

I guess that’s all in the past now. Shhhh it’s okay,
But just for a few minutes, on this ashen bed of what we were…I’ll lay.


This is the second part to my previous post Spark at Eve.

Also this is my first attempt at Slam Poetry (or something kinda like it). Do let me know if you think it’s good !


Spark at Eve

“I held on to you so tight…

(Part 1)

I gaze sideways at the curtain because there’s just too much to say,
I anchor my words, my thoughts…as I wait for something you to convey.

There is an urgency in this comfort, something my tapping foot awaits,
Yet, that time, the shadows of hope seemed to fade out the gate.

My graphite scribbled intents are erased by your goodbye,
I put a smile on, say the same and nod my head with a sigh.

The 2:00 am disconnects are brutal yet so is when you say “good night”,
Things frustrate me, they confuse me
But god ! Talking to feels just so right.

In many ways than one, you evoked feelings I never thought I deserved,
Believe me when I say laughs along with tears were served.

Yet here I am, staring into your hazel eyes thinking if I can ever escape,
My soul feels unencumbered. I’m lost…in your surreal gape.

Then comes those times when my tresses crave your stroke,
While the hopes of that are futile and that of I’m aware,
Just…sorry I am for those sleepless nights when all I wished was for you to be there.

Then came that lingering moment when the freeze cloaked my clock,
That night, those words slipped out as my heart lost the key to its lock.

I’m smirking as I write these words, rolling my eyes cause these circumstances I don’t believe!
I guess all I’m trying to say is ‘I love you’ and baby…that wraps my New Year’s Eve.


I had earlier posted this as a submission for a poetry contest but as I am posting it’s second part Extinguished so just thought of adding this here too.


The Coffee Cup

I wake up at 2 am only to the smell of coffee reminding me of you

Standing in the coffee shop queue every morning,
I gaze at you with a smirk on face and my heart yearning.

I bite my lip and stare at my shoes as I see you smile,
Then I hear the ding of the shop’s door and leave my fantasy world for a while.

The morning of my birthday gifted me with butterflies as I expectantly came,
You weren’t there and the pit in stomach formed a maim.

I left the store at the verge of tears as I bumped into you running outside,
You spilled coffee on my birthday suit yet I stood their with a smile too wide.

You apologised too much and I forgave too quick,
Is it controversial that this birthday is my favourite pick ?

I left for my home town for a few days but the coffee there didn’t taste as good,
I’d rather spend these cold mornings there if I could.

I returned soon only to see your yearning eyes,
I asked for my coffee and forced my grin to disguise.

I left with the ringing of the coffee shop door as I came across a writing on my cup,
“Is 8 ok for me to pick you up?”

A Dark Mist

This is a collaborative post with Ishita at Thoughts Resonate. Her poems and posts are amazing and the way she can express her thoughts in such few words is just flawless! Please check out her posts and I promise you would be impressed beyond words! She and I wrote this poem together and her ideas were awesome! I hope we can do this more often as it was a lot of fun!!

You can find our previous collab post here


A Dark Mist

The cold floor feels comforting,
as the numbness caresses me slowly.
Sinking into my chambers of distress,
My fragile arms engulf me and me only.

In the darkness of the night,
the silence echoes in my ears.
I’m guided by the wind,
guided deeper into my fears.

Every single day, the mirror questions me.
I wish to wander where my solace lies,
I wish to forgo the constant anathema,
but I feel deluded by my unholy cries.

In the darkness of the night,
My thoughts obscure my reality.
Gasping for breath in the toxic air,
My grave lies beneath this calamity.

The cold floor is still comforting,
as the numbness caresses me slowly.
To put an end to these tribulations,
I surrender myself into this melancholy…

-Tanvi Kamra & Ishita Gupta

Paralysed…

“I hear it, but I can’t accept it…..I can’t let go.”

An ominous silence falls apart 
Yet the wind has a calmer demeanour. 
The rustle of the dried leaves stir the sound
As my heavy breaths become leaner. 

Then the grave next to me lights up, 
As if a Christmas tree in the cold. 
It sang it’s melody, so painful yet raw 
And the flashbacks of my past begin to unfold. 

The iridescent hallways reveal the bygone,
I hear a sound from the grave behind, 
then the melody descends to infinite,
As all the tombs sing a melody so divined. 

The melody of death leads me to the beyond, 
 Yet the soul of mine had other plans 
Frightened and terrified it tried to run
But we can’t escape from the truth in short spans. 

As if tied with chains, my body paralysed to the casket,
My mind and heart kept racing as if trying to slip off the fence,
But like every realisation , this hit me like a ton of  bricks,
Because it wasn’t the symphony of death but the symphony of acceptance.

That Highway Musing…

They say that when one journey ends a new begins… but what if I don’t want it to end?

The starry sky winks at me while my journey guides through two strips of white paint,
My destination is unknown, and somehow this thought seems so quaint.

The scent of freedom makes its way to my lungs and the open road blocks my throat,
The bliss of this liberty makes the path blur and my wide smile expresses my dote.

I understood the meaning of unconditional love while the wind from the car window blew my hair,
The knots in my mind are slowly easing up, this ardour is charming yet rare.

The street lights flicker their praise on me as their radiance caresses my cheek,
My lips tremble with gratitude while I sense my fading pique.

My past sits at the passenger seat while I tell her the tale of her upcoming drive,
But the plot lies in slowing at the speed bumps and embracing that underrated thrive.

I have a long ride ahead of me, so why waste my fuel by speeding up,
Just slow down and enjoy sipping the moments from life’s warm cup.

Dear roads,
All I have are these requests for now,
Can you not take me to my destination but also not my home somehow?
Can you let me talk to you without any words to say?
Can I just for a little more while, drive on this unleashing highway?

A Collab Post!

This is a collaborative post with Ishita at Thoughts Resonate. Her poems and posts are amazing and the way she can express her thoughts in such few words is just flawless! Please check out her posts and I promise you would be impressed beyond words!

She and I wrote this poem together and her ideas were awesome! I hope we can do this more often as it was a lot of fun!!


I Wish I Was A Kid Again

I wish I was a naive little kid again.

Unaware of the dirt lying within this world full of school rhymes,
Unaware of the scorns inside these people’s minds.

I wish I was a carefree, joyful kid again.

I won’t have to wake up to my nail marks crucifying the pillow,
From the stressful nightmares of tomorrow.

I wish I was that estranged kid again.

Unaware of the words insecurity, guilt or regret.
Unaware of the torture; now I wish to forget.

I wish I was that colourful kid again.

Always jumping towards the colour of rainbow and never pertaining towards black.
Always laughing merrily with friends and never thinking they would turn their back.

Tell me if I’m wrong,
But don’t you wish to be a kid again?
Away from all the disappointment,
feeling like you’re living in vain.

Tell me if I’m wrong,
But don’t you wish to be a kid again?
To enjoy life as you once did,
When insane and sane were the same.

I wish I was that kid again…..

Tanvi Kamra & Ishita Gupta

Dear Labels…

 Move on with your day, hold back the tears and pretend you’re okay.
No, I’m not desperate, just dependant on your support.
No, I’m not lonely, just cautious of the world’s falling fort.
No, I’m not crazy, just blinded by my teary haze.
No, I’m not jealous, just longing for your sympathizing gaze.
No, I’m not a coward, just scared of looking at my flashback.
No, I’m not holding back my tears, just stifling those emotions I lack.
No, I’m not self-pitying myself, just loading my soul’s heavy pile.
No, I’m not telling the truth, just trying to live each day with yet another counterfeit smile.

 

The Broken “Welcome” Sign

Some people in our life may not be there to stay…Then why do their words?

I live in this town called “Emotional Vulnerability”,
Where it tends to sing its own rhymes, pointing out its own futility.

The volcanoes of anger it has erupted and the lakes of tears it has filled,
No one knows this town except for me, because it’s my low self-esteem on which it is built.

The black ink is now spreading to other pages in my mind as I continue to sweep its darkness,
But now, it’s soaked too deep, looking like the dark sky, starless.

This town is now hollow by the dementors that didn’t knock,
But thanks for letting me know that my emotions needed a lock.

The glowing welcome sign has fused of this town and seeks for no repair,
But thanks for lending a hand and pretending like you care.

Why do I come back here then? Why do I crave this abuse?
Maybe because its the only thing that belongs to me, sadly, it’s my only muse…

In the City of Goodbyes

I’d like to think we’re still underneath the same stars…even though you might’ve become one…

It was the sound of a pulse that dropped when they hesitated with the words “ You’re Sick”,
All the surgeries burned my soul, yet nothing actually did the trick.

The cancer couldn’t help but proliferate, while I hoped for the symphony of goodbye,
It seemed like I’d lost everything, while looking at my bare skull, I couldn’t help but cry.

But something happened that night when I heard your voice from the next room,
You lay there with your brilliant blue eyes, staring deep into my gloom.

You just smirked and waved and said hello in a mime,
Even the mirror was glad to see that smile on my face after a long time.

I remember our first “date” when we ate that pudding in the hospital cafe,
You gave me your silly smile, and it was perfect in every way.

You kissed me on the forehead and we made promises for the next day,
But destiny had its own plans, steadily coming our way.

That night the disease spread like wildfire in your lungs, ironically leaving your heart out cold,
The sorrow choked my throat as the tears inundating my face, down my cheek rolled.

Sometimes I wished it was me and not you who had to go and leave the other with hopes of tomorrow,
You made me see my Glass Half Full as you let me, your happiness borrow.

I made sure your stone stood strong just like your spirit in my heart is,
I come by everyday with that silly hospital pudding and talk to you about the times of us I still miss…

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