A Tale of Her

She lies but her intentions are honest.

She’s the girl that longs for the tree shade during days and the sun during midnight.
She’s the mismatched girl whose woes I’ll narrate tonight.

She’s the girl that longs for you too much yet her cold demeanour is all she portrays.
She’s the mismatched girl that lets go of your hold too quick when all she wants is your tight embrace.

She’s the girl that curls up in the bed too hard, when coming up to your house and ringing your doorbell is all she wants to do.
She’s the mismatched girl that suddenly smiles with tears in her eyes, because a thought popped up while she cried, and that thought was you.

She’s the girl that makes fun of that jacket you wear 24×7, but is a mastermind planning to steal it.
She’s the mismatched girl that avoids you when she cries when all she wants is your fingers finding a way to her own till they interlock and fit.

She’s the girl that promises to be honest with you, but she does lie in anxiety for more than one night.
She’s the mismatched girl that’ll long for you reassurance even if she claims she’s always right.

She’s the girl who says she is prepared for a goodbye even though her lies are visible through and through.
She’s the mismatched girl that’ll never admit that for her it’s you…it’s always you.

---

Dear Stranger

I’m glad you don’t know this blog exists.

Dear stranger,

I’m guilty.
I’m guilty of my not-so-subtle side glances.
I’m guilty of roaming the hallways twice and expecting unachievable romances.
I’m guilty that you crossed my mind once and never left.
I’m guilty that I fear losing you, someone I never had, and being bereft.
I’m guilty of the film of scenarios I play on the projector of my eyes during the daybreak & the dullest of nights.
I’m guilty that my only reaction to seeing you is a sigh while every part of me that wants to grab you, fights.

So I desperately need you to know how obsessed I am with you,
How seeing you is the only thing I look forward to.
How I practice eyeing you discreetly when I’m all alone,
How I wish with everything in my power that feelings for me in your mind have also possibly grown.

No. No. No!
I berate my mind.
It’s unrealistic.
It is not worth it.
Ugh. Why did I have to be a hopeless romantic?

The society tells me to follow the “right way”,
Pop culture tells me to “cease the day”.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that
The probabilities of “us” is minimal
Yet I can’t seem to let go of you.
I guess you’ll reside as a hostage for a while in my mind,
Till I finally find the courage to heavily sigh and move on just like I always do.

Abyss

I followed you into the dark only to lose myself

The days you cry, I help you stare down your abyss,
I prevent you from drowning in but somehow trip into something a lot like this.

Now as I stare down the chasm of what can only seem like an endless lagoon of hopelessness,
I look for your hand, your smile, to pull me from the sea of aimlessness.

My ship rides the storm on your bad days and reaches ashore at your relief,
My individuality seems to make a run for it as in my feelings I start to lose belief.

My emotions submit to yours so I push you away,
The next day I encounter another wounded soul and let them drag me down their way.

The empath in me is submissive to others as the human in me zips up the soul tight,
She knows what she’s been through and doesn’t want to become someone else’s emotionally contaminating plight.

---

This poem is actually inspired from a scientific topic of Emotional Contagion. Do read up on it, it’s quite interesting!

Also this concept of “abyss” was inspired by this fabulous video https://youtu.be/nXvQX3MNcmc

---

Extinguished

…or at least to the person I thought you were”

(Part 2)

I’m patient.
Oh, I completely understand.
I’m at your convenience. You need a helping hand?
You’re busy? That’s fine, what I wanted to say isn’t that dire.

But I do have a confession.
I’m also a liar.

My tapping foot was anxious when you didn’t text back or never called,
Does that define my patience? No? Huh, then I guess I’m at fault.

No I wasn’t fine when you cancelled the dinner plans or when you were too busy to say hi,
But if I would’ve opened up to you would you have understood or simply asked why I lie?

Would you’ve thought of me as desperate when I’d say I wish to be close to you?
Or would you’ve pulled me close just like I’d want you to.

I wanted to be the reason for your absent minded smiles,
I wanted to be the foundation to lay your love’s tiles.

I wanted you to miss me when I turned around,
When I was with you, I wanted you to be my safe and sound.

But it’s been months since our forest set on fire,
Even it’s ashes are dried now, then tell me why these feelings I still desire?

I guess our lost love turned into my poetic art,
But will it make the world more vulnerable to my still aching heart?

Do you know sometimes I replay the moment in my head of our fights?
I wonder what you would’ve felt if you could’ve see me cry throughout the nights.

Can I forgive you? Will I forget you?
Now I’m numb when I recall you saying ‘I love you too’.

I guess that’s all in the past now. Shhhh it’s okay,
But just for a few minutes, on this ashen bed of what we were…I’ll lay.

---

This is the second part to my previous post Spark at Eve.

Also this is my first attempt at Slam Poetry (or something kinda like it). Do let me know if you think it’s good !

---

Spark at Eve

“I held on to you so tight…

(Part 1)

I gaze sideways at the curtain because there’s just too much to say,
I anchor my words, my thoughts…as I wait for something you to convey.

There is an urgency in this comfort, something my tapping foot awaits,
Yet, that time, the shadows of hope seemed to fade out the gate.

My graphite scribbled intents are erased by your goodbye,
I put a smile on, say the same and nod my head with a sigh.

The 2:00 am disconnects are brutal yet so is when you say “good night”,
Things frustrate me, they confuse me
But god ! Talking to feels just so right.

In many ways than one, you evoked feelings I never thought I deserved,
Believe me when I say laughs along with tears were served.

Yet here I am, staring into your hazel eyes thinking if I can ever escape,
My soul feels unencumbered. I’m lost…in your surreal gape.

Then comes those times when my tresses crave your stroke,
While the hopes of that are futile and that of I’m aware,
Just…sorry I am for those sleepless nights when all I wished was for you to be there.

Then came that lingering moment when the freeze cloaked my clock,
That night, those words slipped out as my heart lost the key to its lock.

I’m smirking as I write these words, rolling my eyes cause these circumstances I don’t believe!
I guess all I’m trying to say is ‘I love you’ and baby…that wraps my New Year’s Eve.

---

I had earlier posted this as a submission for a poetry contest but as I am posting it’s second part Extinguished so just thought of adding this here too.

---

The Coffee Cup

I wake up at 2 am only to the smell of coffee reminding me of you

Standing in the coffee shop queue every morning,
I gaze at you with a smirk on face and my heart yearning.

I bite my lip and stare at my shoes as I see you smile,
Then I hear the ding of the shop’s door and leave my fantasy world for a while.

The morning of my birthday gifted me with butterflies as I expectantly came,
You weren’t there and the pit in stomach formed a maim.

I left the store at the verge of tears as I bumped into you running outside,
You spilled coffee on my birthday suit yet I stood their with a smile too wide.

You apologised too much and I forgave too quick,
Is it controversial that this birthday is my favourite pick ?

I left for my home town for a few days but the coffee there didn’t taste as good,
I’d rather spend these cold mornings there if I could.

I returned soon only to see your yearning eyes,
I asked for my coffee and forced my grin to disguise.

I left with the ringing of the coffee shop door as I came across a writing on my cup,
“Is 8 ok for me to pick you up?”

A Dark Mist

This is a collaborative post with Ishita at Thoughts Resonate. Her poems and posts are amazing and the way she can express her thoughts in such few words is just flawless! Please check out her posts and I promise you would be impressed beyond words! She and I wrote this poem together and her ideas were awesome! I hope we can do this more often as it was a lot of fun!!

You can find our previous collab post here

---

A Dark Mist

The cold floor feels comforting,
as the numbness caresses me slowly.
Sinking into my chambers of distress,
My fragile arms engulf me and me only.

In the darkness of the night,
the silence echoes in my ears.
I’m guided by the wind,
guided deeper into my fears.

Every single day, the mirror questions me.
I wish to wander where my solace lies,
I wish to forgo the constant anathema,
but I feel deluded by my unholy cries.

In the darkness of the night,
My thoughts obscure my reality.
Gasping for breath in the toxic air,
My grave lies beneath this calamity.

The cold floor is still comforting,
as the numbness caresses me slowly.
To put an end to these tribulations,
I surrender myself into this melancholy…

-Tanvi Kamra & Ishita Gupta

Paralysed…

“I hear it, but I can’t accept it…..I can’t let go.”

An ominous silence falls apart 
Yet the wind has a calmer demeanour. 
The rustle of the dried leaves stir the sound
As my heavy breaths become leaner. 

Then the grave next to me lights up, 
As if a Christmas tree in the cold. 
It sang it’s melody, so painful yet raw 
And the flashbacks of my past begin to unfold. 

The iridescent hallways reveal the bygone,
I hear a sound from the grave behind, 
then the melody descends to infinite,
As all the tombs sing a melody so divined. 

The melody of death leads me to the beyond, 
 Yet the soul of mine had other plans 
Frightened and terrified it tried to run
But we can’t escape from the truth in short spans. 

As if tied with chains, my body paralysed to the casket,
My mind and heart kept racing as if trying to slip off the fence,
But like every realisation , this hit me like a ton of  bricks,
Because it wasn’t the symphony of death but the symphony of acceptance.

That Highway Musing…

They say that when one journey ends a new begins… but what if I don’t want it to end?

The starry sky winks at me while my journey guides through two strips of white paint,
My destination is unknown, and somehow this thought seems so quaint.

The scent of freedom makes its way to my lungs and the open road blocks my throat,
The bliss of this liberty makes the path blur and my wide smile expresses my dote.

I understood the meaning of unconditional love while the wind from the car window blew my hair,
The knots in my mind are slowly easing up, this ardour is charming yet rare.

The street lights flicker their praise on me as their radiance caresses my cheek,
My lips tremble with gratitude while I sense my fading pique.

My past sits at the passenger seat while I tell her the tale of her upcoming drive,
But the plot lies in slowing at the speed bumps and embracing that underrated thrive.

I have a long ride ahead of me, so why waste my fuel by speeding up,
Just slow down and enjoy sipping the moments from life’s warm cup.

Dear roads,
All I have are these requests for now,
Can you not take me to my destination but also not my home somehow?
Can you let me talk to you without any words to say?
Can I just for a little more while, drive on this unleashing highway?

A Collab Post!

This is a collaborative post with Ishita at Thoughts Resonate. Her poems and posts are amazing and the way she can express her thoughts in such few words is just flawless! Please check out her posts and I promise you would be impressed beyond words!

She and I wrote this poem together and her ideas were awesome! I hope we can do this more often as it was a lot of fun!!

---

I Wish I Was A Kid Again

I wish I was a naive little kid again.

Unaware of the dirt lying within this world full of school rhymes,
Unaware of the scorns inside these people’s minds.

I wish I was a carefree, joyful kid again.

I won’t have to wake up to my nail marks crucifying the pillow,
From the stressful nightmares of tomorrow.

I wish I was that estranged kid again.

Unaware of the words insecurity, guilt or regret.
Unaware of the torture; now I wish to forget.

I wish I was that colourful kid again.

Always jumping towards the colour of rainbow and never pertaining towards black.
Always laughing merrily with friends and never thinking they would turn their back.

Tell me if I’m wrong,
But don’t you wish to be a kid again?
Away from all the disappointment,
feeling like you’re living in vain.

Tell me if I’m wrong,
But don’t you wish to be a kid again?
To enjoy life as you once did,
When insane and sane were the same.

I wish I was that kid again…..

– Tanvi Kamra & Ishita Gupta